I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
