I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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