Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
