My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
