pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
