so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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