It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
