there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
