You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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