Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize