I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
