i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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