So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
