Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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