THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My balls are so social today.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
