question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
