He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Text me some of your sweat
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
