BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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