Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
