Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
