THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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