I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
