my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
