ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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