VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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