Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm both gender and math confused
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize