Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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