Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
