you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
