its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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