I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
