Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
