i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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