Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
