Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
