He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
