At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
