I hate your face
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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