when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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