I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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