I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
