Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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