im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
