I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize