Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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