I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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