I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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