I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have demons in me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
