I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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