this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
