All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
