Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize