Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
