I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
