If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
