True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
