Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
