Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
