Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
