Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
