woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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