So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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