if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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