if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Everyone says I win the strip club
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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