I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
