ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
