You're a womanizer and a bitch.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
