A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
