You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the condom got lost in my hair
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
