It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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