Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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