Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
