I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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