the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
