Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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