the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
