I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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