I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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