remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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