I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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