I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
