if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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