Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
