If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
