I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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