How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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