He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
