just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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