sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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