I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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