Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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