dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize