Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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