she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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