Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
