i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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