Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
