and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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