Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
