your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
