wakey wakey hands off snakey
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
